Dealing with Loss

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is never easy. The very first thing you want to do is start crying your eyes out and asking the age old question: WHY??

Why did they have to pass away? Why does it hurt so much? Why can’t I get more time with him/her? It can be so difficult, and for some downright impossible to feel like they can press forward. You tend to wonder how you will make it through this. Support from family and friends helps to lighten the load you feel weighing on your shoulders. We have all been there and had these same thoughts. Grief hits us like a ton of bricks on our chest. Everyone goes through grief differently, but it never fails that we go through all five stages.

The five stages of grief are:

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

They are the framework that makes up our learning to live without the one(s) we have lost. How we choose to deal with the grief can affect us for a long while after the news is first broken to us. During the denial stage, you cannot even believe the facts put in front of you. The person(s) you love is no longer here to hug you, tell you things will be okay, etc. Then usually after that, comes the anger. You are angry because they are no longer able to be present with you anymore. You may fight with someone, throw things, break things, or choose the creative expressions like dancing and/or art. Then there is the bargaining with God – or higher power, whichever you believe. We then begin bargain, saying we will do whatever as long as we get to have more moments with them. We are trying still to rationalize what has happened and even offering your life for theirs.

Depression is usually the toughest stage to get through. The preparations following a death can seem to be the hardest thing to do. Now you have to plan a ceremony, write about their impact and the memories they have left you with, burial or cremation, contact those who do not know what happened yet. There are just too many tiresome and daunting tasks to take care of when someone passes away. It can all be so overwhelming. These activities usually can either ease the depression or worsen it.

Acceptance is the final stage. This is also the most relieving stage. Even though you have gone through this incredibly terrible loss, you have finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel. There is a glimmer of hope that comes over you, they are no longer in pain. The gloom is no longer hanging over you as much and each day gets better and easier to deal with. Though we may all have to experience the loss of a loved one, it is helpful to understand what it is we are going through.

I hope that this post finds you well.